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Hi friend! I hope you’re showing yourself lots of love. You deserve it ❤ I’d love to know how you practice self care in the comments below.
For years, I’ve struggled with insecurity. That voice inside my head that told me I wasn’t good enough.
Strong enough.
Talented enough.
Smart enough.
Just… Enough.
There is a school of thought that the voice inside your head is actually your parents’ voices. As a child, they could build you up or tear you down with the words they chose. Those words became ingrained in you and you use them throughout your life unless you train yourself otherwise.
I grew up in an emotionally abusive situation. Words were used as weapons, and I felt small. As I grew up, my inner voice started to sound a lot like the voices I heard as a child.
But this time, it was me saying those things, not my elders.
I’ve learned to be careful how I speak to myself, even in my own head.
Words and thoughts have great power over the mind. One word can send signals to the brain and transform into an emotion, an emotion splits into secondary emotions, and secondary emotions set a pattern of behavior.
Here’s an example: If someone calls me stupid, that message is relayed to my brain. My brain sends chemicals out in a response. Now I’m angry. How dare they call me stupid? Then, I start to experience secondary emotions. I become fearful they might be right. I question my worth. I feel sad and defeated. These emotions set a pattern for my behavior. I will feel inferior, because “others think I’m stupid”. I will feel sad, because “maybe they’re right”. I will question my worth and pull away from relationships, avoiding the situation that brought me pain. I won’t try new things because “I’m too stupid to be a success”.
Think of a situation where someone made a judgement of you (whether wrong or right). How did you feel? After some time, what feelings cropped up? How did your behavior change?
I’ve been reading this Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. It’s been so helpful in retraining my brain to cope with thoughts and emotions. Check it out if you’re anything like me and your thoughts tend to spiral.
Any-who…
Recently I was talking to my step mom, who has been a huge source of love and support in my life – a mom to me for so many reasons. I told her that I had thought about branching out and trying something new, but that I wasn’t sure it was the right fit. I told her I was going to give up, because it probably wouldn’t work out anyway.
She asked how I could know I wasn’t the right fit. How could I be sure that no one in this world wants what I have to offer? She said I should let them judge for themselves.
Dropping wisdom in the parking lot of Olive Garden.
I had heard this before, but it hit home when she said it. By giving up before I even tried, I might have missed out on an opportunity to grow. Not to mention, by labeling myself as “not good enough” I was essentially saying that I knew better than anyone else.
I knew I could not make it.
I knew I was not good enough.
I knew that no one wanted what I had to offer.
How big-headed of me! I must be psychic, to know the thoughts and opinions of everyone.
So I asked myself, what did I have to lose? What if I tried, and I failed?
Well… Then nothing would happen.
Sure, I would have invested a bit of time and put myself out there. But that’s it. No one would be hurt. I wouldn’t lose any money. I wouldn’t be labeled a failure for the world to see.
So why not try?
Why not let other people decide whether or not they want what I have to give, and show up regardless?
So now I ask you: What have you given up on because you judged yourself inferior? What goal or dream or idea did you have that you didn’t pursue because “it would never go anywhere” or “I wouldn’t be any good at it”?
Maybe we should let others decide what they do and do not want, and just live our lives to the fullest. Try new things, put ourselves out there, do something that scares us.
Because yes, it may not amount to anything…
But it could become your everything.
Sending love,
MK
MK Laurren 